For those of you out there who have ever been in a relationship, long or short term, you know that on some level the partner you are with is a best friend of sorts. Now they may not be your very best of girlfriends or guyfriends or who knows, perhaps they are, but on some level they are a person you share special moment’s with, deep conversations with and hopes and dreams with.
When I separated from my partner, I was worried that although the partnership was ending, that the friendship would as well…as does in 99% of separations and divorces. I had hoped though, that the friendship that had grown over the years would remain strong and I am happy to report, it has done just that so far. Our separation ended in the best possible way in that we remain very close friends today and even share with one another what is going on in our lives, just as close friends would.
I took most of the last year to focus on me. I was traveling down a path of awakening to my authentic Self and discovering things about me I had never taken the time to discover before. I used most of the time to be in solitude with my Self and to disconnect from the outside world, feeding my heart with love and gratitude, looking at my situation as a time of personal growth and self-discovery. I detached from people and in a way, I suppose it was to prepare myself for my move, to a city where I did not know many people. I was building myself up and preparing myself for the biggest change of my life.
Everyone deals with separation and difficult times differently and after mine, my way to deal was to retreat. I hadn’t really put much thought into it, that’s just what naturally happened for me and is what felt right. I am by nature a loving person. I love, love and have much to share and to give. So, after moving to Toronto and not knowing many people, I decided in September to venture into the world of on-line dating and WoW, what a world it was!
One of the things I had hoped my ex-husband and I would be able to talk about was dating, and so, when I decided I was going to go online and put myself out there, I asked him what he thought. We chatted a bit about the need to use caution and common sense, and then we just started chatting about dating in general. We shared tips and advice with one another and when we were finished, we sat back and laughed, seeing the whole conversation as a bit surreal. We told each other how wonderful it was that we could be in a place of openness and honesty with one other. We talked about how happy we both were that we could remain such good, close friends and discuss things such as dating. A wonderfully unique position we find ourselves in.
I thought on-line dating would be an interesting avenue to venture down and decided I would give it a shot. I did, after-all, know several people –now happily married!- who met online. I had heard mixed reviews about the experience as a whole but all-in-all, the reviews were good enough for me to give it a go. And so I did. I sat down one evening in early September, glass of wine in hand, ready to tackle the questions and take the hour -or few!- that it was going to take to answer all of the questions. I shared my life, was honest in the process and posted my photos. And there I was, for all the world to see. I remember sitting back and looking at my profile and thinking about how strange it seemed…Me, online dating…humph…Who woulda’ though!? If there is one thing I have learned in this past year, it is to never say Never! For me personally, I found the whole experience a bit overwhelming and so my online dating experience lasted only four weeks. I gave it a shot, and thought four weeks ample time to get a feel for it but unfortunately didn’t quite enjoy how it felt.
The one great thing I did enjoy about online dating was that you could see peoples interests, passions, wants in a partner, if they wanted children etc. right away, so in a way it eliminated that uncomfortable, “So, do you want children?”, dinner conversation that two people are so eager to dive into…insert sarcasm here! I was explaining to a friend after I logged out of my account for the last time, that I wanted to meet someone more organically and by ‘organic’ I mean to pass them on the sidewalk or in a shop, to brush arms or to look into their eyes. To feel that exchange of energy. To lock our gaze and not be able to turn from it. To see how their eyes smile when their mouth does. That to me, is organic. It’s natural.
I find myself now, manifesting love and happiness in my life, and feeling as though the Universe is conspiring to make that happen for me. And so I am ready to share my love as I stand in a vast sea of people, holding my heart out just far enough in hopes that it may be brushed by another, but still holding it close enough so as not to lose it.
We need to be a little vulnerable sometimes and in those moments come wonderful things.
Be a little vulnerable today and see what the Universe brings your way.
Love to you,